Blind Inspector
A blind man interviews for a job as a quality controller at the local wood mill. The manager calls the blind man into his office and asks him how he expects to do this job since he is blind. The blind man replied he would do it by smell.
The manager decides to test him and places a piece of wood in front of him.
The manager asks, "What is it without touching it?"
The blind man replies, "That's a good piece of fir."
"Correct," says the manager, "now try this one."
"That's a bad piece of willow," says the blind man.
"Correct," answers the manager. With that, the manager decides to play a trick on the blind man. He gets his secretary to lift up her dress and put her crotch in the blind mans face.
"I'm confused," says the blind man, "Can you turn it around?"
The secretary turns around and puts her ass in his face.
The blind man says, "Oh, you're trying to fool me! But I know exactly what kind of wood that is. It's the bathroom door off a tuna boat!"

       

Competitions
A shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read 'BEST DEALS.'
He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading 'LOWEST PRICES.'
The shopkeeper panicked, until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop. It read 'MAIN ENTRANCE'.

       

Honnest Job Applicant
An applicant was filling out a job application. When he came to the question:"Have you ever been arrested?"
he wrote:"No."
The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the previous question, was "Why?"
The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught."

       

Goverment Workers
Four men were bragging about how smart their dogs are. The first man was an engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist and the fourth was a Government Worker.
To show off, the Engineer called to his dog, "T-square, do your stuff!". T-square trotted over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen, and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.

Everyone agreed that was pretty smart. But the Accountant said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said, "Slide Rule, do your stuff!". Slide Rule went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each.

Everyone agreed that was good. But the Chemist said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said, "Measure, do your stuff!". Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop.

Everyone agreed that was good. The three men turned to the Government Worker and said, "What can your dog do?". The Government Worker called to his dog and said, "Coffee Break, do your stuff!". Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, dumped on the paper, sexually assaulted the other three dogs, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for Worker's Compensation and went home on sick leave.

Q. What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
        A. "Are you sure it's mine?"

        

Q. Why do blondes have bruised belly buttons?
         A. Because they have blond boyfriends

        

Q. What do blondes and beer bottles have in common?
         A. Their both empty from the neck up

        

Q. What do you call a blond with a brain?
         A. A golden retriever.

        

Q. What do you call a blonde in the closet?
         A. The 1984 hide and go seek champion.

        

Q. How can you tell that a blonde sent you a fax?
         A. It has a stamp on it.

        

Q. What do you call a room full of blondes with PMS and yeast infections?
         A. A wine and cheese party!

        

Q. How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
 A. Tell her a joke on Wednesday.          

       

Cheating
A blonde suspects that her boyfriend is cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment that same day, with the gun in hand. Sure enough, when she opens the door, she finds her boyfriend in the arms of a redhead. She points the gun at her boyfriend at stares him down for a moment. Then, suddenly, she's overcome with grief, so she puts the gun up to the side her head.
Her boyfriend screams, "Honey, don't do it..."
The blonde yells back, "Shut up! You're next!"

        

Ticycle
         Q: How can you tell which tricycle belongs to the blonde?
A::It is the one with the kickstand.

        

How To Make A Blonde Laugh?
         How do you make a blonde laugh on Friday?
Tell her a joke on Monday!

        

Blonde At The Doctor's office
         One day a Blonde walked into the doctors office with 2 red ears. The doctor asked what happened.
She said "I was ironing and the phone rang and I picked up the iron by mistake. "What happened to the other ear?" the doctor asked.
"They called back."

        

Blondes Pain
         A young woman said to her doctor, "You have to help me, I hurt all over."
"What do you mean?" said the doctor.
The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Ow, that hurts.
" Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch! That hurts, too."
Then she touched her right earlobe. "Ow, even THAT hurts."
The doctor asked the woman, "Are you a natural blonde?"
"Why yes," she said.
"I thought so," said the doctor... "You have a sprained finger."

        

Fix The Dents
         A blonde was driving home after work, and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her to just go home and blow into the tailpipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out. So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her car's tailpipe.Nothing happened. She blew a little harder, and still nothing happened. Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?" The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tailpipe in order to get the dents to pop out. Her roommate rolled her eyes and said, "HELLLLOOOO!!!You need to roll up the windows."

Blonde cops:
        A blonde cop stops blonde motorist and asks for her driving license. The Motorist scuffles around in her purse and can't find it.
She says to the cop:"I must have left it at home officer."
The cop says:"Well, do you have any kind of identification?"
The motorist scuffles around in her purse again, and finds a pocket mirror.  
She looks at it and says to the cop:"All I have is this picture of myself."
The cop says:"Let me see it, then."
So the blonde motorist gives the mirror to the blonde cop, who looks at it, and replies:"Well, if I had known you were a police officer, I wouldn't have even pulled you over. You can go now."

        

The circle:
       A blonde has just gotten a new sports car. She cuts out in front of a semi, and almost causes it to drive over a cliff. The driver furiously motions for her to pull over, and she does. The driver gets out and draws a circle and tells her to stand in it. Then he gets out his knife and cuts up her leather seats. He turns around and sees she's smiling. So he goes to his truck, takes out a baseball bat, and starts busting her windows and beating her car. He looks back to see that she's laughing. He's really mad now, so he takes his knife and slices her tires. He turns around and she's laughing so hard, she's about to fall down.
       He demands:"What's so funny?"
        She says:"Every time you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle!"

        

Game Of Intelligence
       There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.
The lawyer first asked:"What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"
Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. Then the blonde asked:"What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"
Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00 The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted:"What is the answer to your question?"
Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.